Is there a woman alive who hasn’t fantasized about falling in love with a sexy man from a far away land? Whether his accent is Spanish, French, British, Nigerian, Indian or Australian, somehow your name never sounded as it should until he said it in his lilting and melodic voice. You meet Mr. Exotic, fall head over heels in love, and then before you know it you are deeply involved in a long distance relationship. You feel so sexy, so chic and like a movie star. You become a master mathematician at calculating time zones. You max out your credit cards flying back and forth. You apply for jobs as a flight attendant and academic grants that you are clearly not qualified for so that you can be together.
And then it ends. Your whirlwind love affair hits the skids. I'm not surprised. Your Technicolor Hollywood love story is just another example of a woman who didn’t have the foresight to end the romance before she got on the plane back home.
Now, I am not saying this is how the scenario plays out for every long-distance and/or cross-cultural relationship. However, many women (myself included) have fallen so completely under the spell of the handsome foreigner fantasy that common sense goes out the window. Suddenly, you’re an anthropologist and all bad behavior on his part is excused as a cultural difference. You find yourself putting up with things that you would never tolerate from the boy next door. Living the fantasy is a huge rush and when it starts turning into a nightmare you employ all of powers of spin to say it just isn’t so. I hate to say it, but surely there must be some variation of “he’s just not that into you” in every language.
With that said, as a single woman, I still remain open to the possibility that my mate could very well be in some distant land. However, I'm a bit more cautious about these relationships since my past romances have included a long-distance love affair with a handsome DJ from Spain, a journey to Dublin to visit an Irish bloke I met in New York City who told me he was a businessman but for some odd reason slept in a twin bed in his mother’s lovely home, and a Moroccan waiter who took me shopping and then vanished into thin air and proceeded to called months later with an elaborate story involving INS. Then he vanished again.
Ask yourself what is he really saying? Get past the sexy accent and start translating. If he is a tourist that you met in your hometown, you have to remember that he is in a vacation frame of mind. No one here knows him and this is his golden opportunity to reinvent himself. He is here to have fun! He knows that back home he may be a dime a dozen but his accent can make hearts swoon and even panties drop in America. Enjoy his company but don’t be surprised if you never here from him again.
What if you’re the tourist? Again, you are probably feeling a bit uninhibited and looking for adventure. He knows that you find him exotic and he thinks the same of you. But just because you’re on his turf doesn’t mean that he has the upper hand. Enjoy the moment but don’t be reckless. Flirt like you’ve never flirted before but don’t leave your smarts at home.
But now you’ve fallen in love. How do you make this work? In many ways, you have to focus on the same challenges that any couple that decides to build a life together faces. It may be easier if he comes to live where you are because are you really ready to pack up your life and live in a foreign land? Do you speak the language, can you get a fulfilling job, what is the role of women in his culture, how does his family treat you, have your friends and family met him? These are just a few questions to consider.
Remember, when traveling, be open to love but don't lose your damn mind!
